Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Weighted Wonderings

I can safely say that I don't worry much anymore. By that I mean that I trust in my good and gracious God who has all things in control, with every incident and every outcome meant for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. Trust is something that has developed through confronting the worst and living through it, moment by moment.

So I don't worry, but there are things that occupy my thoughts with weight. In fact, the reason I carefully prepare for bedtime by making sure my sleep will be uninterrupted is because the very second my mind achieves consciousness, it flat out races non-stop. I sometimes look at the clock and see 4 a.m. and try to hush my brain in every way possible, often by repeating, "Hush. Hush. Sleep! No . . . sleep! Hush!" Once in a while, it mercifully works. Usually, I sigh and get out of bed after an hour.

I wish I could unpack my brain and leave the thoughts here on these pages for a while, picking them back up at appointed times to deal with them.

My Dad is in ill health and may have to go into assisted living.

My office transition hasn't gone as smoothly as we had hoped. Here it is, four months later, and we still don't have it all sorted out.

Thinking of my brother, Boyd, as the anniversary of his traumatic death draws nearer. 

Our housemate, Addison, telling us she'll be moving out and knowing she'll have no place of her own. Wondering if I indeed did my best there.

Himself and his job - his company has been sold and I wonder what his job will be in the future.

Other stresses at work, and future changes that are becoming very real.

These stupid cats. I honestly have no desire to feed them forever and would be fine with the humane society picking them up.

My children . . . always and always; work, school, relationships, and play.

My job at The Park, and how much longer I can hold on to it now that the office has me working on Fridays.

Hearth and home.

Things that people put on social media that is neither kind, necessary, nor true, even if it's directed at a genre and not at me personally.

I often joke that Sunday is not a day of rest for our family between early morning music practice, teaching Sunday School, and AWANA in the early evening. This week I have realized how vital it is, however, to spend that time in the Word and in worship. How bleak would be the rest of the week without it! Still, more often than not I'm able to see my children and laugh and laugh with them.

I don't really have an ending.

That is all.


2 comments:

Jessica Leigh said...

Thinking of you all.
Love you!

agable said...

Thank you, thank you for this.
I often feel like an odd ball for struggling with worry though I believe in a loving God. I'm supposed to trust, not worry. Why is it so hard?

Thank you for your honesty.

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