I am writing not only to thank you for your time, service, and provision of humorous video clips (nay, though that is indeed reason enough), nor is my purpose solely to exalt your numeric skills (second only to our Hallowed Father of course). I am writing to implore upon your kindness and wisdom. Throughout my days I have struggled in a long and strenuous battle with arithmetic. I have fought, and taken two humbling classes beneath your most worthy Algebra class and attended many tutoring classes in my tender college years (last year). My spirits began to rise as my toil resulted in greater understanding, (even a softening of my heart towards it) of my long known nemesis:The beast of math. Perhaps I could win, perhaps I would not always speak the name of math with dark venom in my voice. Knowing this, immagine my dispair, my heart break, by utter sorrow at seeing a 79 sneering at me with garish vulgarity from my final grade column. I have attempted to do my best in this class, I have taken notes, studied, and prayed for success. I know it may not be in your power to change, but if there is any chance that your hand could be swayed to act in favor of what is my best work, I would be most joyous to have my grade elevated to the status of a B.
Thank you for your time if you read this whole thing.
With the utmost sincerity and respect,
Yes, the gate keepers of the mathematical oasis for suffering math souls, have kept me abreast of your most adventurous journey (a sort of Pilgrim's Progress, if you will). I know you have been very diligent in many ways. Take solace when I say you could be a "poster child" for how to "work my system" to achieve a satisfying grade - in a course that stirs the dark regions of one's being. I would be most pleased with playing a small role in vanquishing the evil math dragon that has caused such trouble and despair in young maiden's life. Rest assured your cries do not fall on deaf or unsympathetic ears. Actually, I was very eager to award you the grade I truly believe you deserve, even before your most entertaining email. You will just have to trust my gracious heart that it is the one you seek.
Thank you for your faithfulness. It so pleases the Lord. Your email really cracked me up. What is your major again?