Back Off

In March of 2005, so five years ago, Himself had excruciating back pain. Several agonizing trips to the chiropractor and two weeks flat on his back, and he was able to function.

Every once in a while, his back will go out again. X-rays can only tell so much, so he finally went, this year, and had an MRI. Yesterday, he discussed the results with his doctor.

"Well, I have some bad news."

"Just give it to me doc. What is it?"

"Your back can't be fixed through surgery. It also can't be fixed through cortisone shots. The news is pretty bad."

"It's cancer, isn't it?"

"I'm afraid your back can only be fixed by diet, exercise, and strengthening your core muscles."

"Noooooo!!!!!"

Let's walk through the history of this, shall we?

2005 - the chiropractor:

"I can get you walking again, but these back exercises will make all the difference."

Himself, later that month: "I'm going to a doctor for a second opinion."

The doctor: "I won't be able to know for sure without an MRI, but I can prescribe some non-addictive pain relievers and muscle relaxers. The best thing to do would be back exercises."

Me: "Here! I bought you this book on back exercises like the doctor recommended."

Himself: "That can't be right. He can't know without the MRI."

A visit from Uncle Terry, 2009: "I had to stop running because of my back. Now, every day I do my stretches and exercises and my back has been great!"

Himself: Silence.

Periodically from well-meaning friends and family to me: "How is his back? Is he doing the exercises?"

Me: "Pffft."

And he wonders why I have no sympathy for him.

Oh, and if you want to know how his back is or whether he's "doing the exercises," please ask Him. Thank you.