Florida would Be So Pleasant . . .

. . . if it weren't for the mosquitoes.

Himself and I were enjoying a relaxing evening on the porch. Neighborhoods can be so entertaining! Who needs video games and DVDs? (By the way, are they still called Video Games? What's the current name? Disc games?) Who needs television? People, let me tell you; truth is stranger than fiction.

This evening's entertainment came in the form of a miniature Pincher named Gordie. Gordie lives directly across the street with Ms. Mary T, who is exactly eleventy-hundred years old.

Let's just say it: Gordie is a rotten little dog.

Regularly, Gordie escapes from the paradise of Ms. Mary's and takes off down the street. We only wait a few minutes before Ms. Mary appears, leash in hand, snow-white hair blowing in the breeze, eyes scanning the empty street.

Gordie! Gooordie!!! Gordie, get over here!

She looks to us for a clue, and we usually point to whichever direction Gordie has headed. Sometimes, we don't even need to do that because she can hear him.

For an RLD (Rotten Little Dog) like Gordie, it's not enough to stay in his own yard to bark. He has the urgent need, nay, duty, of barking in each yard currently occupied by humans. It's more personal that way, see?

Gordie! Stop that barking! Get over here!

If we're quiet enough, Gordie will pass us by. If we break out in laughter, the little RLD hackles will raise and he'll come right up to our planter, giving us the what-for. If we're lucky, he's on his way home from his adventures and his RLD territory marker has run dry. If not, we try to see if we can scare him off before we're hit.

Enter Linda.

Linda is the neighbor about 5 houses down from Ms. Mary. Linda helps Ms. Mary by mowing the lawn, trimming trees, clearing weeds, hauling off junk, and . . . chasing Gordie.

How to describe Linda? Since there's no real flattering way, we'll have to pass on that. Just picture tank top, shorts, dangling cigarette, and cap. 'Nuff said.

On this particular day, Gordie has finished barking at us and trying to mark his passage (thankfully, it's a dry day in Florida). This is where Linda made a mistake; she left a gate ajar while calling after Gordie, and Buddy escaped!

Everyone knows that if one dog gets out, you can pretty much round him up. If two dogs get out, they're gone for a while.

Gordie! Buddy! Get over here! Where are you?

Linda, cigarette bobbing with each word: I think they're gone for good, Mary.

What? No, I'll get the car.

I'll get 'em.

Do you want the leash?

I'm gonna hit 'em on the head with this flashlight.

At this point, Himself and I had to duck our heads to hide our smiles and laughter.

Florida would be so pleasant if it weren't for the mosquitoes.